Whether this be a good friend of yours or an aqaintance, we ALL Know who these “relationship hoppers” are. These people like the idea of having someone around, but are always looking for the next best thing. In theory, this is the perfect situation right? I mean you have someone there to validate you and make you feel good AND you are NOT fully committing your heart to them. So when the next best thing just happens to magically appear, you have NO problem Jumping ship. This process actually becomes second nature and breaking hearts just kinda goes along with the pattern. Who wouldn’t want this?!?!? No commitment, no heart break, no fear, no sense of abandonment, someone falls for you, makes you feel good, does sweet things for you, strokes your ego and alllllll the while, you are secretly or even subconsciously welcome the idea of someone else catching your eye and immediately you’re up for the challenge!! Yaaa!
Doesn’t this sound appealing?!?!?
Well it shouldn’t!!! This by NOOO means should sound like a happy or healthy way of living, yet many of us continue to do it. We either get comfortable with the validation we are currently seeking from that significant other we spend time with or just plain comfortable of being in A relationship…when you know damn well you are NOT nor will you ever love this person. Being alone is a scary thing…..it is. Heartbreak is a very scary thing….and it hurts BAAAD, but these are all great learning experiences and shape us as humans. ALWAYS being in a relationship is depriving you from truly being ALONE and getting to know who YOU really are. This is crucial in your 20’s.
I will fully admit I have been extremely guilty of this. I have jumped from relationship to relationship and not allowed myself to shape/grow into the woman I truly am. I blame no one, but myself. You will NEVER meet someone and have a healthy relationship if you are NOT single, alone, and content with YOU, YOURSELF, AND YOU. Being alone is when you do the most reflection on the past, develop a clearer understanding of what you want, and when you least expecting it……….and you’re truly content with YOU, then something great will be RIGHT in front of your face!! 🙂
LOVE YA’LL. SORRY IT HAS BEEN FOREVER SINCE LAST POST!! HOW IS EVERYONE??? YOU AGREE WITH THIS??
You love him/her…..you really do, but why do you still question variety, what else is out there, or still want to appear single in certain situations. I mean come on let’s call a spade a spade here…50% of marriages end in divorce and most of those reported due to infidelity. Why?? Because it is almost inhumane to conform to the one-size-fits-all, let’s-get-married-and- never-bang-anyone-else-ever-again theory.
Now, don’t get me wrong here. I was raised in a small town in a christian home with christian beliefs/morals/values that a man and woman were to marry, raise a family, and never go outside of the marriage…FULL Monogomy. I had always believed this is the way it works , but with these horific statistics and having a committment phobe myself…. I question if a healthy polyogomous relationship is possible. Why can’t you be in an open relationship where there are parameteres/guidelines set in a discussion that you both agree upon and that are not to be crossed. I mean bc if you truly loved your “life partner” and knowing that this is what will make them the happy to be able to do that….then what is the problem?
I am by no means saying this is for all people or couples, but I truly think it could work for some. You probably think(just as I did) well, if I really loved my significant other, the thought of having someone else with that person makes me sick!! And that is perfectly normally to be jealous of that…we as humans are naturally inclined to do so. But what if you could get over that jealousy factor??? What if you knew you were going to spend the rest of your life with your partner, loved them more than anything in the world, knew you were like minds in both WANTING it, and knew you wanted to experiment before settling down and being monogamous. Could it work???
US women are emotional beings!! There is NOOO way you will not develop some sort of emotional attachment to a man you are sleeping with. It is just unheard of, yet I see girls making this same mistake all the time. We justify sleeping with guys by saying “I just want the sex” or “it is what it is, nothing more” but who are kidding ladies??? You are only kidding yourself.
I learned this from the first and only love of my life. We were in the process of breaking up and I felt my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I would do anything, ANYTHING to get him back. He was such a dick to me and I would continue to go over there and sleep with him. I would justify it by saying, “ah I want to do this”, “Oh this is recycling”, ” I don’t care if he doesn’t call me later” BLAH BLAH BLAH. Then as the day went by I noticed my heart starting to beat faster and faster…constantly looking at my phone…then the clock..then phone. I drove myself crazy!!! Until I couldn’t bare it anymore, then would have to text late night. It was soooo sad and terrible. This went on for a month or so after we broke up.
What I didn’t realize at the time is he was getting EVERYTHING out of me that he wanted. I still loved him and I was still sleeping with him…and he had NO obligation to call me, be committed to me, take me on dates, etc. That just is NOT fair. Ladies, please do not continue to sleep with the guy you care about or may even love if he is not giving you what YOU NEED. I set the precedents early in a relationship that a guy must at least take me out on a dates, show interest in my life, and prove to me he is a good enough guy to occupy my time. When a sense of trust has been established in his courting efforts is when you allow yourself to go there with him. (Give it Up) But make him work!! You owe that to yourself!!!! Men love challenges. Trust me.
So this is my challenge for you….;)
I am here to enlighten you of the most attractive quality from the opposite sex is to have confidence. Would you agree? And would it be fair to say that most of you would not have clicked on this link if there weren’t some confidence issues that you struggle with?? Well here is some honest news for you….
Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. What is the common theme in all the above mentioned??? It is your THOUGHTS!! What you think about yourself and what you can achieve naturally bleeds in to physical actions and how you come across to others. Confidence cannot be faked. Period. This is and MUST come from within yourself. Please read that again!! SELF CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE FAKED!! There are no quick fixes to building this, but you need to be aware what is hindering you from being fully confident.I know this doesn’t sound easy to obtain confidence but it is…let me give you a map to self confidence….Are you ready to take on the challenge?
1. Know your journey-know where you came from, who you are, and where you are going
- Top 5 achievements
- Top 5 strengths/weaknesses
- Top 5 short terms/long term goals
Please do NOT take this article with a grain of salt. Women just dont get how important this is…..and how quickly it can be pointed out from the opposite sex. Get a clue and take action on this damnit.
As we all know each and every one of us has the opposite sex as a friend. Where this is not such a black and white question is when we factor in the gender roles.
Guys keep girls as friends because :
- They have already entered the friend zone with this particular girl
- A certain amount of time has past where if they were gonna date, they would have already
- They want to get with one or more of their friends.
- Or if the alcohol or timing permits…..they would have SEX with them!!
Riighhht??? IF there are any more guys please comment!!!
And GIRLS…why do we keep guys around???
We ALL need validation. I need it and you need it.
For instance, I know that I am a confident woman that can set my mind to anything and achieve, but that knowledge and that feeling of capability is internal. Without external validation there’s no feedback, and everything I do exists in a vacuum.
Knowing what I am capable of and the result of a finished project provides a certain degree of satisfaction and fulfilment based on whatever the project means to ME., but with external validation there is a different experience of satisfaction and fulfilment based on what it means to someone else, and that’s where the difference is.
The problem comes, of course, when you start seeking out that external validation as the only means of feeling good about yourself. Start people pleasing and doing things with the agenda of attracting validation and you’ll end up chasing things based on what they mean to other people and not what they mean to you.
That’s a slippery slope and going there will only damage your self-confidence and self-esteem (i.e. that’s bad).
So the difference is one of focus. Rather than looking for external validation and aligning your behaviour to deliver that, you need to align your behavior so that it leads to great work, then look at and acknowledge what you did to deliver that great work.